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There is so much to talk about and so many angles on this. In a lot of ways, I consider myself a poor friend. I’m not good at keeping in touch. I’m not good about getting together. I get very caught up in the now of my own universe and my own emotions that I forget about people I don’t see. If you aren’t in my immediate realm, you aren’t at the top of my mind.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that people don’t randomly pop into my thoughts. That there isn’t that moment, usually spurred by a memory, where I think, “I need to call her” or “I heard his mom was sick, I hope she’s better”.
Despite my appearance of deep self-centeredness in the preceding paragraphs - if you’re in trouble or if you call me and tell me you need me; I’ll drop everything. I’ll re-arrange schedules and do what I need to do to be there for you. Hell, the other day, I went to a friend’s house to help her clean up for an event because she was having a hard time and I’d promised I would; despite having a migraine. See, sometimes I’m not such a bad human being.
As to who I consider a friend vs. an acquaintance that too has shades of gray. I consider myself a pretty empathetic person. There are people on the internet, who I’ve never met, who are essentially strangers, but because I read about their lives and have the occasional conversation with them; I care about them. I care about their wellbeing. I cry when I read about their tribulations. I send them notes of comfort and support. On some level, they count as friends, right? At what point in the exchanges of email do they become “real” friends? Is the requirement to meet them in person, or do you just have to know them for x number of years?
There are people who I’ve met in person only a few times, but I consider them friends even though by all rights they should be considered acquaintances. It’s just that the level of conversation and the level of bonding, the level of recognition (these people are my people) was such that they’ve earned a place in my heart. There are also a few folks I’ve met that I’d like to hang out with more. That I’d like to get to know better because of that feeling that we could be great friends.
It’s also weird when you consider the people who you know think of you as friends, but you don’t feel as close as they seem too. Which means that there are some people who I know I think of as a good friend and they probably just think of me as a general friend, someone they see at the occasional social event, but they’d never invite me to their house for dinner – that would be too intimate; I don’t rank.
And have you ever heard the phrase: “I like him/her, but I can only handle them in small doses”? There are people who I care about, but who have certain personality quirks that drive me batty if I’m around them too long, or in a bad mood. On a good day, I could hang out all day with them, on a bad day, five minutes is too long. Sometimes I wonder if I affect people like that. I don’t dwell on it though, that’s bad for the heart.
Or what about the days you only want to spend time with certain people. Some folks are good for a mellow evening at home, while others are the ones you want to take on the town for an adventure. Sometime they’re the same folks, but it only works if your moods match.
Ultimately I figure that all the feelings I have about people, they have about me. Because of that, I work really hard not to be insulted when I hear that a group of my friends got together for this or that and I wasn’t invited. We all have those days where we want someone to call a friend and sometimes we have the kind of day you want a bosom friend with whom you can share your deepest pains and most frightening hopes and no one else will do.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that people don’t randomly pop into my thoughts. That there isn’t that moment, usually spurred by a memory, where I think, “I need to call her” or “I heard his mom was sick, I hope she’s better”.
Despite my appearance of deep self-centeredness in the preceding paragraphs - if you’re in trouble or if you call me and tell me you need me; I’ll drop everything. I’ll re-arrange schedules and do what I need to do to be there for you. Hell, the other day, I went to a friend’s house to help her clean up for an event because she was having a hard time and I’d promised I would; despite having a migraine. See, sometimes I’m not such a bad human being.
As to who I consider a friend vs. an acquaintance that too has shades of gray. I consider myself a pretty empathetic person. There are people on the internet, who I’ve never met, who are essentially strangers, but because I read about their lives and have the occasional conversation with them; I care about them. I care about their wellbeing. I cry when I read about their tribulations. I send them notes of comfort and support. On some level, they count as friends, right? At what point in the exchanges of email do they become “real” friends? Is the requirement to meet them in person, or do you just have to know them for x number of years?
There are people who I’ve met in person only a few times, but I consider them friends even though by all rights they should be considered acquaintances. It’s just that the level of conversation and the level of bonding, the level of recognition (these people are my people) was such that they’ve earned a place in my heart. There are also a few folks I’ve met that I’d like to hang out with more. That I’d like to get to know better because of that feeling that we could be great friends.
It’s also weird when you consider the people who you know think of you as friends, but you don’t feel as close as they seem too. Which means that there are some people who I know I think of as a good friend and they probably just think of me as a general friend, someone they see at the occasional social event, but they’d never invite me to their house for dinner – that would be too intimate; I don’t rank.
And have you ever heard the phrase: “I like him/her, but I can only handle them in small doses”? There are people who I care about, but who have certain personality quirks that drive me batty if I’m around them too long, or in a bad mood. On a good day, I could hang out all day with them, on a bad day, five minutes is too long. Sometimes I wonder if I affect people like that. I don’t dwell on it though, that’s bad for the heart.
Or what about the days you only want to spend time with certain people. Some folks are good for a mellow evening at home, while others are the ones you want to take on the town for an adventure. Sometime they’re the same folks, but it only works if your moods match.
Ultimately I figure that all the feelings I have about people, they have about me. Because of that, I work really hard not to be insulted when I hear that a group of my friends got together for this or that and I wasn’t invited. We all have those days where we want someone to call a friend and sometimes we have the kind of day you want a bosom friend with whom you can share your deepest pains and most frightening hopes and no one else will do.
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